8/10/2008

Am i being shallow?


I just had a nice long phone-conversation with Hunny, one of my besties who is always there for her friends ,for ups and downs, for nasty or serious talks, for a night-out or for a cozy night-ins.ok, Chick blanje J-co’s a dh bnyk puji nih.hehe,kidding.i mean it tho, not the treat part, but u being a great friend all this while, thanks babe.i’m honoured.it’s good to have somebody to talk to, someone who is from the same background as us, in this case, we share almost everythg in common. At the point in our lives that letting someone to our hearts is such a big deal nowadays.i mean, when we look back at the times we had teenage love affairs we didn’t care much about the boy’s state of being unemployed chap just yet, without thinking much about what would he become?some would fall for a rock-star wannabe, some for a goody-two-shoes, some for a heinous geek.despite all that, we were having so much fun.

We were chatting for more than half an hour until my handphone ran out of battery.but we managed to catch a few things up about each other, about her fears, about it's so hard to meet up with friends nowadays(sigh),about me no longer being interested in lovey dovey business.yup, u read it right.wearily,half of me has lost the interest.

And the most interesting part is that, we both share the same thought that being married somehow shuts off the chic lives we think we are having now.it's bad, i know.gosh, that is wrong to think like that about something so saint, so legitimate like marriage.this is a sick thought i suppose.but i just can't help it.can somebody tell me i'm just being normal.

Even if i take one fine marriage for example, of a bestie of mine,who is married to a very loving,supporting, fun to be with husband, still, it doesn't convince either of us.to be bounded from doing things we enjoy, and to picture one of us cheating?even that's scary to put myself in it.gosh am i shallow?i guess i have to accept the fact that marriage is about sacrifice.it's one risky thorn-pathed business.we can plan wat's gonna happen in our lives but we can never keep things in our control.the same with fidelity.you can't plan to be faithful to someone.you just have to find yourself suddenly doing it.but that's the last thing one wants to do right?

So as not to spoil what we have now by desiring what we have not, we have to remember what we have now was once among the things we only hoped for.but then again, i think of my hi-heels.oh crap.

It occurred to me,had i been searching for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when everything i needed has always been there?

7 comments:

  1. sayang..it's normal to have those kinds of thoughts..just remember one thing..what will happen is gonna happen anyway..whether you like it or not..despite of how much you are loving your life right at this juncture..how much you resist to probe into things that will lead you to the 'thing' that you are scared of the most..when Allah says it will happen..you would just have to follow the flow of what's meant for you..take a deep breath and istighfar..you'll find some peacefulness one day..and remember..we are not living on earth only to feel what we want to feel..at times we have to undergo things that are so hurtful..so painful that we tend to regret the action that we have taken..but hey..that's life..and Allah will be giving us tests in our lives..to make us be a better person..insyaAllah..i love you..

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  2. owhh..ibu nw i feel like a total crap.it's just a matter of time rite?i mean, someday i will wake up and anticipating hw wonderful married life could be,when i have found 'the one' that is.hehe.n u have always said the right thgs that makes evrythg seems to be just normal as the way they are.but then again we are our own smiths, the ones who makes n mend our own lives according to hw do we want them to be.hmm..i just have to hv faith in it.life's is like that, huh.haha,we r being so sentimental in this blog already.thx so much syg.lob u forever.

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  3. babe..nothing comes in for free..mesti ade trade off..poking for sacrifices..to make things work..told you before..but then, don't push it,no too hard, let it comes naturally. or else, you'll only found yourself lost and empty handed. especially in the search and pursuit of so called true lover. i've given up on it oredi. u know that too. nway, good luck! break a leg, not a heart..cheers~

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  4. wooo i can feel such a warm atmosphere here...so hot in here!!lom, take it easy..(eceh, me pun setengah mati nie!) haha one day kita akan jumpa gak jodoh kita lom, masa tue kita akan rasa hidup nie complete..cuba tanya kawan2 kita yang dah kwin.jeles aku..

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  5. sape tah kata.. tp i ulang balik. 'great rewards, come with great risk'

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  6. thx everyone.love arrives when we least expect it ait.
    i just cant wait to have anythg from 'love&co',dat's all.hehe

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  7. papa god has a great plan for each and everyone of us...so don't worry...keep on flirting...and pray hard...love u always...

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