I just had a nice long phone-conversation with Hunny, one of my besties who is always there for her friends ,for ups and downs, for nasty or serious talks, for a night-out or for a cozy night-ins.ok, Chick blanje J-co’s a dh bnyk puji nih.hehe,kidding.i mean it tho, not the treat part, but u being a great friend all this while, thanks babe.i’m honoured.it’s good to have somebody to talk to, someone who is from the same background as us, in this case, we share almost everythg in common. At the point in our lives that letting someone to our hearts is such a big deal nowadays.i mean, when we look back at the times we had teenage love affairs we didn’t care much about the boy’s state of being unemployed chap just yet, without thinking much about what would he become?some would fall for a rock-star wannabe, some for a goody-two-shoes, some for a heinous geek.despite all that, we were having so much fun.
We were chatting for more than half an hour until my handphone ran out of battery.but we managed to catch a few things up about each other, about her fears, about it's so hard to meet up with friends nowadays(sigh),about me no longer being interested in lovey dovey business.yup, u read it right.wearily,half of me has lost the interest.
And the most interesting part is that, we both share the same thought that being married somehow shuts off the chic lives we think we are having now.it's bad, i know.gosh, that is wrong to think like that about something so saint, so legitimate like marriage.this is a sick thought i suppose.but i just can't help it.can somebody tell me i'm just being normal.
Even if i take one fine marriage for example, of a bestie of mine,who is married to a very loving,supporting, fun to be with husband, still, it doesn't convince either of us.to be bounded from doing things we enjoy, and to picture one of us cheating?even that's scary to put myself in it.gosh am i shallow?i guess i have to accept the fact that marriage is about sacrifice.it's one risky thorn-pathed business.we can plan wat's gonna happen in our lives but we can never keep things in our control.the same with fidelity.you can't plan to be faithful to someone.you just have to find yourself suddenly doing it.but that's the last thing one wants to do right?
So as not to spoil what we have now by desiring what we have not, we have to remember what we have now was once among the things we only hoped for.but then again, i think of my hi-heels.oh crap.
It occurred to me,had i been searching for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when everything i needed has always been there?